Blue Collared Banter: E07 - Barfights, Bagpipes, and Bakeries

In Episode 7 of Blue Collared Banter — Barfights, Bagpipes, and Bakeries — Ryan and Ken kick things off already off the rails after what was supposed to be a quick setup turns into a full-blown Nerf war. Injuries are debated, accountability is denied, and somehow it all feels justified.

They read listener feedback that does not hold back—taking shots at everything from Ryan’s posture to ongoing arguments that should’ve died episodes ago. Naturally, this only fuels more arguing.

The episode drifts into bizarre news, bad decisions involving cooking, and stories that make you question how some people make it through the day. From there, it spirals into drinking regrets, strange real-world “solutions” to public problems, and the kinds of things you see on service calls that you can’t unsee.

Somewhere in the chaos, things briefly get real with talk about when a situation crosses the line and needs more than just walking away.

They close out with confidence that may or may not be earned, questionable future plans, and the usual mix of plugs, sarcasm, and controlled nonsense that defines Blue Collared Banter. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

You're you can't be serious. You're saying that if she puts her finger in my ass, it's not gay? No, it is gay. But yeah, but it's a it's a girl, so if she puts it, no, you just said that if she puts it. Oh shit. Hey, War.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Hey, welcome to Blue Collarbanner. Episode Siete.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

Seven. Siete there there's there's no N in that. Siete. There's no N in that. I see why you're failing Spanish. Yeah. Episode seven. Seven. Um yeah. I'm Ryan. I'm Kevin. And this is Blue Collar banter. Hell yeah, baby. Um man, so behind the scenes, which y'all don't know about here, is um over the weekend my family decided that we were going to take a random trip to Walmart and buy a fuck ton of nerf guns. Oh, okay. Uh my like every person in my family has Nerf guns. Yeah. My lip's still swollen. So they um Nerf guns aren't what they used to be when we were kids, bro. These things are about this long. The rounds are about this long. And they fucking I've got welts all over the all over my back. I got shot in the eye. I'm still seeing blurry out of my lips.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Yeah, asshole.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

So we were we we were having we were testing them out. Obviously, you can't dodge dodge. We were we were across my house. We were probably what 25-30 feet from each other. Maybe. And uh I shot and I shot Ken Bright in the gun. I'm like, did I sketch you a mouth? He goes, No, that was my gun. So pop, I got him in the lip. He's got a fat lip. He shot me in the eyeball. Like remember when you were a kid, like you couldn't even get them to stick to the window. Like they would almost fall out of the gun. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

These are dude, and it and it's not even like uh electric ones. No, you they're pumped. Yeah, they're pumped, and that shit. I was not expecting it when you shot because I have nerf guns in my house. Yeah. But the Nerf guns I have at my house have the long darts. Okay. And then you shoot somebody, unless you're within like three feet, it's not gonna hurt.

SPEAKER_03 2:17

So the one that I was using also has a magazine of long darts, too. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Uh so I was thinking like, if I modify those and put like little pins in the end of them, dude, what kind of damage I could cause? Yeah, and somebody in the eye. I wouldn't I wouldn't use them on people just to see if I can like shoot them into the wall or something, because I'm a child.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

So would you use them on animals? Because you said you wouldn't use them on people.

SPEAKER_03 2:38

I wouldn't use them on anything alive that I didn't want to hurt. I mean, hey, you're the one that said it.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

I'm just trying to make sure that you're you know you understand what you're saying.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

I'm I'm simply trying to clarify. So yeah, you Ken comes over to record today, and he's been here for probably like an hour. We're just now sitting at least 45 minutes, right? We're just now sitting down to record because we couldn't put the nerf guns down long enough to be productive and get things done. Yeah, like yeah, so we're grown men. We're now we're well, one of us is grown. We're now a few episodes in, and I'm starting to get feedback from people. I don't know if you are. Uh um and so I have um I have some things I want to read here. Okay. Um, so I'm getting feedback. Uh uh Matt reached out, and Matt says uh he he was watching on YouTube. He said he said, episode one, guest starring Ryan's thighs. Ryan's what? Thighs. Oh, thighs. And then and then and then he doubles down and he goes, dude, just like a helpful critique, don't sit like that. You look like you've seen a few up close. And then uh Colin reached out and he goes, So the genie, you've met him before, right? I'm like, what do you mean the genie? He goes, the genie who you traded height for a dick. He goes, Is that why you're so short? He goes, Is this a story of personal experience? I'm like, no, unfortunately it's not. I'm just naturally ungifted. And then this one, um, this comes from Gage, my stepson who's upstairs. Yeah, he called me your stepman. He he called me and goes, Hey, I I just finished episode two, and no one calls it a rotary, you fucking ass clown.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Um he he called me and told me that, and I was so ecstatic that I wasn't the only one.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Did he tell you that the word he used was ass clown? Because then not tell me that. That's great though. Yes, that's funny to me. Ass clown. Like I picture like a clown, but in chaps.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

Everything's clown on the front, and you turn around, it's just all back in ass.

SPEAKER_03 4:46

But he turns around and he has another clown face painted on his ass. Okay. He's got he's got like a clown nose butt plug. Kind of like it, kind of like this right here, just sticking out of his ass. Oh man. You squeeze it, it goes, aren't you? Aren't you? So yeah, uh my brain takes me on adventures. It does. We can talk about the barbershop quartet if you'd like.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

No, no, we're not talking about that because it's not it it's it's it's not even uh uh a thing. It's not it could be no it could be no alright, no.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Long story short, I want to join a barbershop quartet. That's it.

SPEAKER_01 5:19

That's just to sing to people that are dying in the hospital telling them their diagnosed diagnosis and how they're gonna die. No. Don't you lie. Is that not what you were saying when I was talking to a customer?

SPEAKER_03 5:36

No, not people who are actively dying in the hospital. That would be totally unbecoming.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

I'm talking about like the ones that are going to die. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

Everybody. Like when you're when you go to the to the doctor to get your diagnosis, just to soften the blow a little bit.

unknown 5:52

Right?

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Sorry, you have cancer. That doesn't soften the blow.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

That's a bit aggressive, but like like mixed, like um, I mean there there was something, oh yeah, um. Yes, we found out your wife is cheating, but you're gonna die from internal bleeding. Not your problem. Like that that's really funny to me. Good news, bad news.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

I don't have words. I have to do that. I didn't even I I didn't even have words when you were singing this to me in my ear when I was talking to a customer.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

Sometimes you like to, yeah, I I need to sing to you. I I I know I know what you need more than you know what you need.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Do you still have my voicemails that I used to leave you singing Backstreet Boys? I don't. I do not. I wish I did.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

They'd be great now.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

I gotta start doing that again.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

I prefer that you didn't.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

Well you are because you don't even have a voicemail anymore.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

You are one of the biggest reasons I don't have that. I intentionally, you know what? It's 2026. Fucking text me. Text me.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

You know, oh, okay. You you can uh there's I mean, I'm not talking about like talk to chat or uh voice to chat or voice to text or whatever. I'm talking about like you could actually like do audio recording and send it through message. Yeah. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

I'd prefer you did not.

SPEAKER_01 7:14

Oh no, I'm going to. I just thought about that and it's going to happen on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

And I hope that your short attention span makes you forget about that by tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

No. Ain't forgetting that.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Well, I need you to hear me out about something. All right, hear me out.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

All right. Fucking play it.

SPEAKER_03 7:42

Yeah, what you got? I have, if my phone would open, um I have an ad.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Um you love ads. Ads are so funny.

SPEAKER_03 7:57

So the title of the article from the Miami Herald is He Was Drunk, Stoned, and Naked, the cops say. Are we talking about the same guy? Then came the George Foreman Grill. Oh god. What do you do? Pick it up and throw it? On the evening of August 27th, two officers from the Niceville Police Department went to Did you say Niceville? Niceville, yes. Here it's a very nice place. Ah, yeah. Went to assist firefighters. What is happening with all these ads? Thank you. Um at a home in Oklahoosa County. When they arrived, the officers saw white smoke coming from the house and could smell something burning. Okay. But there's something going on here. Okay. A man, later identified as James Cunningham, answered the door, said he was sorry, and then closed it.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

That's not suspicious at all.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

Hey, oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Yeah. Just burning some stuff, you know. Don't worry about it.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

The individual was naked in a smoke-filled house with items on fire inside of it, such as towels, and that's in a quote.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Wow. So so he was sorry for the fire going on and being an inconvenience to the police.

SPEAKER_03 9:13

He doesn't know what he was sorry for. No, probably not. James showed no sign of understanding the danger he was in. Added the report. He came back to the door. For his safety, the officers detained Cunningham and brought him some pants. Because no one wants a burned dick.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Oh, wow. That's what was he on? We will learn.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

Oh, really? Oh yes. Went safely out of the house. Cunningham admitted that he'd consumed two liters of vodka and smoked marijuana. Two liters. Two liters of vodka. Now, a handle. A handle of vodka.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

No, no, just put it like this. It's two liters. You had a two-liter bottle of Pepsi or Coke or something like that. Mm-hmm. That much vodka.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

Yeah. You ever seen like a handle of vodka, I think, is 750 milliliters. Yeah. So one and a half of those. No, two and a half. Two and a half of those. It's a lot. Firefighters went inside with oxygen masks to put out the fire. The Nightsville Fire Department determined that Cunningham was baking cookies on his George Foreman grill and left them unattended. Both the cookies and the grill subsequently caught fire. The man put towels on the grill to put the fire out unsuccessfully.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

And then just left him there. Answers the door, butt ass ached. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

Just his hands? Just his hands. The firefighters on scene advised if James has stayed in the house, he could have been seriously injured or died, the report said. Which we've all so I don't I don't partake in any other substances other than the occasional beer. But I have. Yeah. Right? We've all gotten the munchies. We've all left the bar and want to go to Taco Bell. Sometimes you get drunk, you get high, and you just want a snack. He wanted cookies. He just wanted some cookies. That's all you wanted. The man just wanted he didn't realize he was doing anything wrong.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

What kind of cookies were he trying to eat?

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Right? He just he just wanted to get, see, and this is where he messed up, right? When I I just get a spoon and the bucket of toll house cookie dough. Bro, my daughter does that, and it drives me nuts. Why? Why? Why? Why are you supposed to cook your eggs before you eat them? Why take the extra step? I've not known one person in my 30 some odd years to ever get sick from eating cookie dough. Not one time. I've I've eaten probably gallons of cookie dough. Never gotten sick from it. That explains a lot. What, the cookie dough?

SPEAKER_01 12:09

You eating gallons of cookie dough.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

I fucking love cookie dough. It's like Shea bought a couple weeks ago. She bought like they come in the little flat bags, like they're already portioned where you break off the squares. Those are the ones my kids like making. Yeah. I break off the squares now with bite size. I don't even need the spoon. You guys saved me work and dishes. But like I get it. Dude just wanted a snack. I've been there. There's a picture of this. I this was probably 15 years ago, maybe. Um I came home and I was drinking and I wanted a quesadilla. And there's a picture of a trail of cheese from the kitchen to the couch that I passed out on, and me asleep with a quesadilla on my chest on the couch with one bite taken out of it. Like we've all we've all been there. This guy, he was harmless. He didn't he didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

SPEAKER_01 13:11

It was just harmless. Just setting fires.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

He didn't intentionally set it. He just wanted some cookies. He just wanted some cookies. He could have used Uber Eats, but he saw four phones when he picked his up. So what do you even go there? How does one drink two liters of vodka? I don't think I could drink two liters of anything.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

No. Not well, I mean I I could put away some soda.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

But uh even even when I think and I run the math, right? On my heaviest nights drinking, I could drink two liters of beer. There's no way. I drink three liters. Of what? Beer. Three liters of beer. When?

SPEAKER_01 13:52

In Germany. Oh, well that's they do those big tall things. Das boot. No, it's not a boot. It's it's uh like a cylinder full of beer. Right. And it's got a tap at the bottom. Uh and it's three liters of beer. That see, that's I don't know that I could do that. That would it was a mistake, don't get me wrong, but I did it. Because somebody was supposed to drink it with me, and they didn't. So I ended up drinking it all by myself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

Ken gets so drunk he just turns on arms wash and I go, get down.

SPEAKER_04 14:34

Get down, is not the tumor. He's hammered who's your daddy.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

Oh man. So like I get it. I get where his mind was at. I don't think he really meant any harm.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

We were also just talking about beer. Yeah, vodka is a full glass of beer in a full glass of vodka. Vodka's gonna kick your ass every time. Yeah. So two liters of vodka, that is insane.

SPEAKER_03 15:08

He's also 53 years old, and something's probably been doing this for a while.

SPEAKER_01 15:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:14

This ain't his you know first kitchen miscope.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Let me tell you about this, right? Uh we were out celebrating my uh wife Holly's, her grandmother, celebrating her birthday one time, and we went to a Mexican restaurant. And this particular Mexican restaurant, when you tell them it's your birthday, they come out and they lap dance you. It's just a bunch of the waiters, and they lap dance you, whether you're a guy or a girl, it doesn't matter. And so we we went there, we told them it's a birthday, and they brought her out a shot of tequila. Now let me tell you, this woman does not drink. Not that I really see. She'll have maybe two, three sips of a of uh my my uh wife's Holly's wine, and Holly will give her, you know, just give her sips of it or whatever. Right. But that's all she doesn't really, I don't think I've ever seen her finish a glass of wine. Right. But you want to know how you know this lady used to party. Cause she ripped that tequila, no salt, no chaser, huh? Bro, they gave her that tequila, and as we were telling her, hey, that's tequila, you might want to sip it, she just drops it, fucking wipes her mouth, gives the shot glass. Me and Holly look at each other and we're like, damn, dude. So, like, no face, no nothing. She just took it like a champ, and like, okay, you used to party.

SPEAKER_03 16:41

So that was, you know, uh a buddy of mine back when I was my drinking days at the bar. He would watch, and the girl that he would go after is the one who took the the tequila shot and didn't make a face. He'd be like, I'm gonna go talk to that one. Be like, dude, that one is trouble. Yeah, that that is a hard no thank you. Like, I don't I don't I hate tequila. I always have I the only bar fight I've ever been in in my entire life. I was drinking Johnny Vegas's. Like, I hate tequila. That was a fun that was a fun story. I got bit, I got bit by a grown man. That's not surprising. I got so alright.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

Here we go. Story time.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

So me and my buddy Matt, I used to work with, we were playing pool somewhere down in St. P, like off of Gandhi, like across from the racetrack. I think it was Kahunas, maybe. And um, I was 21, 22, and we were playing so been drinking for for for a few years now. For for a few, yes. I celebrated my 22nd birthday at the same bar three times back up in Massachusetts. So yeah. Um we we were there, we were playing pool, and these two girls walk in. We're playing pool, they're by the pool table. We politely ask them if they'd like to play doubles, me and him against them, and they say no, but we'll break up one of us and one of you against each other. Cool, okay, we play. Yeah, and completely like respectful, like really like neither one of us, we both had to work in the morning, we were just shooting simple. And one of the girls, I guess, had a boyfriend. Okay, she wasn't supposed to be out. The boyfriend walked in, saw her playing pool with me, put a hand on my shoulder, moved me over, and grabbed her by the waist and walked her outside. I'm like, well, that was weird. So he brings her outside, he comes back in, and he goes, Why are you playing pool with my girl? I said, Well, she didn't mention she had a boyfriend. Um, we were just playing pool, but my apologies won't happen again. Yeah, you I'll I'll buy you a beer, we'll have a good night. So this was back when I smoked cigarettes. I walk outside to smoke a cigarette, and she's in his truck sobbing. Sobbing. And I walk up to her, I'm like, Are you okay? Did he put his hands on you? And she goes, I can't talk to you, and rolls up the window.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Damn.

SPEAKER_03 19:10

I'm turning around, walking away from the truck, and he's walking outside, and he sees me and he goes, I told you to leave her the fuck alone, and sprints at me. Dude caught me off guard, tackled me to the ground, had his knees in my chest, and could have just pummeled the shit. Dude, I I would have been toast.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

He didn't do that. He tackled me to the ground, he had his knees on my chest, and he leaned down and bit me in the shoulder like a fucking dog. What? This was winter time. He bit through my hoodie, he bit through my shirt, and I had a bite mark on my shoulder.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

So luckily he's he's lacktion, so I'm able to come from the bottom and just get some blows in. My buddy Matt walks out and sees it. He calls a bouncer, tears him off, dude has to go home. Like, it all ended fine, but that was the only time I'd ever been in a bar fight. It wasn't even my fault, and I was drinking tequila. Right? Me and me and my buddy Dan back home when we were 18, 19 years old, used to drink tequila at the bar. One time I tried to throw him into traffic. That's always good. I thought it was funny. Yeah. I do not I do not drink tequila. It it is not I don't like it. It doesn't make me a happy, nice person. I I don't fuck with it. I don't a happy nice person. Happy nice. I don't even really drink liquor anymore. Like I occasionally, like, I'll drink some whiskey. I I like not like a good whiskey sour or an old fashioned, but that's it. Yeah. I don't I don't mess with that stuff.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

I used to be only beer, and then I've moved to whiskey because beer would start messing with my stomach after a while. So I started drinking whiskey. And here lately I've been um like at a restaurant, I'll get like a draft. Yeah. Um, but I won't drink a lot of it because I know it'll mess with my stomach. So I mostly stick to the whiskeys. Yeah. Well, one one or two whiskies anyway.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

I like I have a um out in that pantry out there, I have a whole kit to make a smoked whiskey old-fashioned. Oh, I remember you getting it I got the torch and the wood, I got a whole bunch of fun stuff out there. We'll do that next time. Yeah. Um I used to know somebody who would drink vodka and water with ice. Water? Yeah, because he's like, 'cause vodka, you know, the the beer made me fat. Vodka doesn't have any calories or anything, so I can just drink vodka. And he would drink vodka and water with ice. But like mixed? Yeah. But he would never put more ice in it. So every time he made a drink, there'd be more vodka. And I'm like, what are you doing? He goes, Well, though this guy was a problem. He's like, Well, the more I drink it, if I make my first one this way and I get used to that taste, then when I make the next one heavier, I'm already used to it. So eventually it's almost like I'm drinking straight vodka. And I said, You, sir, need to go to a meeting. You you you have a problem. You you About 12 steps you need to take because that's a fucking issue. Oh man. Like, I don't know. I don't know how that's I could never hang out with somebody on a regular basis who was like, you know what, I I think what I need today is I just need to drink some straight vodka. I think I I I think I think that's what we have to do. Yeah. No, thank you. Have you ever been to a gas station? No, never. That is loudly playing music outside that does not match the music inside.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

That does not match the music inside? Yes. No, no. I've I go to Wawa a lot and they're always blaring music, but you can also hear the same music indoors.

SPEAKER_03 22:45

Yeah, no, so I had to go to a gas station up in um like Hudson Pascoe County up off 52. Well, I mean that's already kind of makes a lot of sense. Right. And so I get out and I hear loud, almost deafening bagpipe music. Bagpipe music. Bagpipe. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck is happening here? Like, is there a funeral that I don't know about? And I walk inside, and as I get closer, there's bagpipe music, and I see this really bright light flashing up on a pole about once every half a second. Okay. And I'm like, what is it's this is the weirdest rave I've ever fucking been to, bro. And I walk inside, the music's completely different. It's not loud, it's like country or pop or whatever the hell was on in there. I grab my drinks and I'm looking around, and I walk up to the the guy at the counter, I'm like, what's uh I don't know, what's up with the bagpipe music? And he looks at me and just goes, homeless people. And that's it. I'm like, homeless do the homeless like bagpipes?

SPEAKER_01 23:56

Or maybe they don't, and he plays it so they don't hang out there.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

I asked him, like, what do you what do you mean, homeless people? He goes, keeps them away, don't sleep here. So they have this flashing light and they play loud. He it's either bagpipe or opera. That's what they cycle between. And they have this huge loudspeaker outside that plays super loud, obnoxious, nobody wants to hear it music, so the homeless people don't camp or sleep or beg outside the like it's kind of creative, actually. Like I'm not I'm not against it, but it's also how many people do you think that deters too?

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Yeah, did he like what kind of problem did he have before to the point to where he's he's worried about like to go to that extreme too? Like something had to happen before.

SPEAKER_03 24:48

As I've said, there's a story behind every situation. I would love to know that one. Like what what happened that you're like, you know what, I'm not gonna call the police.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

Or I've called the police and they because well, I mean, un unless he owns the property right there, private property, but they just have to go outside of that and then and half the time they don't care about being trespassed anyway.

SPEAKER_03 25:09

Right, because they're gonna come back and oh no, they go to jail, cool, they have a place to sleep tonight. Yeah, like I mean, so there's probably is more to it, but for me, just that little snippet of my day has still stuck with me to right now. Like, I've still thought about that probably once a day. Like, the what happened that he has to sit here, he's book also how do you get that much bagpipe music? Where did he find that?

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Bro, so that makes me think. I went to a customer's house, I think, and I I think you may have been on the phone with me for some of it, but all you hear out in his yard is like an eagle crowing or whatever sound they make, screeching, um loud ass crickets, loud ass like other birds and shit, just birds noise of birds flapping, flashing lights in his yard. He's like, Oh yeah, it keeps the snakes away. I'm like.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

That's your kind of guy.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Well, well, not even that. Like, you they're not like, I don't know, I feel like they wouldn't be scared of noise.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

I don't think snakes would be scared of noise. I mean, I don't honestly, I don't think snakes are scared of anything. I don't think snakes have fear. I don't think buck you, I'm a snake.

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Yeah. They kind of like that. You did the tongue thing again. Yep. There you go. Stop it. Right now, stop it. I will tell Shay on you.

SPEAKER_03 26:30

You can you you can tell Shay on me. She knows all about the okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

I shouldn't have opened that door. She's not gonna be happy with you on that. Oh, she doesn't care. Oh, God.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

I'm just uh I'm just more concerned that you don't want to get a boner on camera.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Sir, there is nothing on you or about you that could ever, ever. Let me say it again. Ever make me hard. Ever.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

You know, I don't I'm not gonna try to prove you wrong, but I still don't believe you. You know, I guess some people have a thing for bald heads.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Oh no. I don't. Well, you know, I'll I'll teach you. There's that's not something you can be taught. I'm okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:29

I'll let you think what you want to think. Sometimes I think you just hear what you want to hear, you know? I don't maybe I I I think I think that's the problem. So here's a here's a fun turn. My entire family wants to play hockey. Uh you mentioned this to me the other day. Zoe called me the other night and she goes, Can I play hockey? I'm like, Huh, wait, huh? What? So she goes, cheer already. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, you know you can't do both. She goes, Yeah, but if I learn to skate, I want to do hockey.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

So she wants to play hockey and she can't even skate yet.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Well, no, she can skate, just not like one who plays hockey. I can skate very well. Um, Gage obviously plays hockey.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

I can rollerblade. I'm just I'm I'm okay on ice skates, but I'm not like hockey level ice skates. I can I can skate around a rink pretty easily.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

But the the only thing I don't have that's hockey level is the stop. Everything else I'm good. Forward, backward, turn, crossover, skate.

SPEAKER_01 28:31

I can do all that on rollerblades. I've been rollerblading since I was a little kid. No, I can't do it on skates because I grew up in Florida. Okay, we didn't there was one ice rink, and that was at the country mall, and you had to pay so much to do it.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

I used to work at a roller rink, right? So I skated quads, I skated inlines. Like I learned how to do everything. You did roller skates? No, it's quadr. It's so much fun.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

How do you dude? I tried doing how do you turn? I don't understand how you turn.

SPEAKER_03 28:57

You either twist your ankles and lean, or you just cross over one foot over the other one, and that's how you turn.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

Okay, so sort of like inlines, but you can also just lean on inlines. You can do that on the other hand.

SPEAKER_02 29:10

Yes, you can. It's about you turn the body.

SPEAKER_03 29:13

That's fucking weird.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

You turn the body and drop the shoulder and the feet turn.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

It's really easy. So I started on inlines and then I saw people on quads. I'm like, that looks like fun. I want to skate those. And so then I would skate both. And skating both, ice skating is like a good mix of both, right? It's a mix of quads and inlines. So being able to do both, I I can skate pretty well. So it's turned into Tate wants to play hockey. Well, I thought he was already playing. I thought he played with Gage. No, Tate wants to play hockey. He's gonna be 18, he's not 18 yet. Oh Gage wants to play hockey. Tate's buddy wants to play hockey. Tate's dad, or uh Gage's dad, I mean guess both their dads. Gage's dad already plays hockey too. So we're actually talking about like just building a team of everybody we know, but Gage and his dad wouldn't be able to. So they've already talked to them. They're like, you can play in a beginner league, but the moment either one of you score a goal, you're out. Yeah, I remember you telling me. You guys are allowed to play defense, that's it. Yeah. So I'm actually really thinking about playing hockey.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

You have zero hockey gear.

SPEAKER_03 30:23

So? Do you realize how much gear they have? I do know how much gear they have. I've also been to play it against sports. You also what? I've been to play it against sports. I'll buy some you stinky gear. I don't care. I'm playing beer league hockey. Does it fucking matter? I'm not in the NHL. No, it's what we should do, is we should do like a softball.

SPEAKER_01 30:43

I'll play softball with you.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

See, I'm not I'm not I'm not good at normal sports.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Okay. Football, baseball, softball, fucking. You realize hockey is just a different sport.

SPEAKER_03 30:56

But I already I already have two-thirds of hockey down.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Oh, really? And what's the two-thirds, do you think? Um skating? Okay, what's the other third? Cardio. Car Sir? Okay. Um, you also have running down if you wanted to play softball. I'm not fast. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

I'm not fast.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

You don't need to be fast. Mama said was my magic shoes.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

And from that day on, if I was going somewhere, I was running. I was running. I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is. Man, so I don't know. That you that was my favorite movie growing up.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

Like it would be your favorite movie.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

Between probably 10 and 13, I must have watched some.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

Just like Forrest Gump was. It really was. You were the smallest kid around. Everybody was twice your size, and you had a lisp.

SPEAKER_03 31:56

She taught me how to climb. I taught her how to dangle.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 32:05

Sorry how to fight and ruin your Black Panther pot, eh? That's that is my my favorite. Like, I I love that movie. So Lieutenant Dan, Ice Creep!

SPEAKER_05 32:15

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

So I I think if I were to be a sports ball player, hockey would be the best sports ball that I'd be good at.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

But you realize you still have to have the coordination. I have that. You have coordination. For that, yes. That doesn't make any sense. I can't catch to save my life. Okay, I cannot catch, I cannot throw. Playing hockey is a lot of the same hand eye coordination.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

It's a different kind of coordination, right? I I know it sounds stupid. I can't catch, I can't throw. I'm good at drinking games like horseshoes and pool and darts. That's it. When it comes to actual sports. You realize you all of those you throw. Not okay. If you're throwing during pool, there's a problem.

SPEAKER_01 33:00

Sorry. Not pool. That's how you lose some teeth. But you're using both hands with eye coordination. Right. So same as in hockey.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

Right. So I'm good with a pool cue. So I'll be good with a hockey stick. Same thing. So why wouldn't you be good with a baseball bet? Uh, because it's the so when the baseball's moving through the air, I'm not gonna hit that. But the puck's on the ice. I can see that. All I have to do is control it. I can do that.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

I think you are completely misjudging your ability to play hockey.

SPEAKER_03 33:29

I think I I think you're misjudging my ability to play hockey. I've seen you try to play sports. I can't wait for my first game and I score a goal and I look at you and I pull my mask up and go.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

You you I've seen you try to play sports. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. What have you seen me try to play? On Father's Day when you came to the park with all of us. Okay, that wasn't even a real sports. No. No. Handball's not a real sport? No. Okay, football? Because we played football. And I told you I can't catch and I can't throw. But you think you can I I've I think you're severely misjudging Hyper.

SPEAKER_03 34:09

So everybody in this house who knows my complete inaptitude for sports ball thinks that either they're fucking with me or they just want to see me get hurt. Oh, they want to see you get hurt. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. There's it's it's all no contact. What do you mean no contact? There's no checking. There's no it's it's no contact hockey.

SPEAKER_01 34:32

How is that possible to have a no contact hockey? What if somebody's blocking the goalie?

SPEAKER_03 34:37

Accidental contact is one thing, right?

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Like but in when somebody's trying to you know do a screen, okay? Yeah, what do you do to get them out of the way? Because in hockey, you use your stick and you check the motherfuckers to get them to move.

SPEAKER_03 34:51

There's there's no cross-checking in in in this. Well, there's no cross-checking in hockey. Well, sorry, there's not there's no checking in in this so they can just have three people in front of the goalie and you're not gonna be able to move them. Well, no, because it's common courtesy, I guess, that you don't do that. That's the captain's position.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

That's the center's position. I don't make the rule See, you don't know the basics of hockey. I don't care. You're not gonna be able to do as well as you watch.

SPEAKER_03 35:20

Well, I cannot wait.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

I I really hope you prove me wrong, but I think you're gonna get your ass handed to you. I'm gonna make daddy proud. I don't think you will.

SPEAKER_03 35:30

I don't well, and then then you'll fall in line. I haven't had any other dads proud of me. Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 35:38

I think you're severely misjudging how hard hockey is.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

I don't I don't think so. I really don't. I I think I think you're underestimating my my skill abilities. So I've played roller hockey.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Okay. I don't think I just with your lack of knowledge in sports.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

Oh, that's easy. I'm super fucking smart. I can just learn. But then why don't you try to learn baseball? Because I know I won't be good at baseball.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

But you I mean, I'm not trying to like down your confidence. No, no, he hear it. I'm just trying to get you to understand. I don't think you're you're ready to feel what's about to happen to you.

SPEAKER_03 36:19

I've lived in my my shoes and my brain and my body for arguably longer than you've lived in my body. So I know what I'm capable of and what I can and cannot do. I know I can't play baseball. I think you believe you can do it. I know I can't play soccer. I know I can't play football.

SPEAKER_01 36:40

All I'm trying to do is I'm not telling you not to. I'm telling you to do it for sure. 1000% do it. I just think you need to lower your expectations just a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 36:50

My expectations are scoring one goal.

SPEAKER_01 36:53

That's my expectation. I really need you to work on your expectations. Just okay, so you might be able to ice skate. Just hitting the puck. If you don't do it right, you're gonna fall on your ass.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

Well, then I'll do it right. Okay. I I wish I wish you had more faith in me.

SPEAKER_01 37:16

I in and in some situations I would a hundred percent, but I think you're you're grossly miscalculating how hard hockey is.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

I'm I'm telling you, I would be even if I'm dog shit at hockey, I will be an astronomically better hockey player than I will be a baseball player.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

I don't see how.

SPEAKER_03 37:39

You want to know how many times I've swung at a baseball in my life.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Okay, are you playing baseball or softball? Because softball's different.

SPEAKER_03 37:45

Okay, it's underhand. So baseball and wiffle ball mostly. Okay. You want to know how many times I've swung a bat in my life?

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 37:55

Comfortably 100, 150 times. Okay. You want to know how many times I've hit the ball? Once? Three times, I remember every time because I was so proud.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

It's probably all you gotta do, beast is all you gotta do is be taught.

SPEAKER_03 38:12

If I'm gonna learn something, I'm gonna learn something I'm already know I'm gonna be good at, which is hockey.

SPEAKER_01 38:18

But you could be good at basketball if you're taught how to do let's okay, perfect example, shooting.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:25

Okay, somebody goes into the the shooting range for the first time, but they've watched videos, they've done this, they've done that, and they think, bro, I'm gonna slay at this, right? And they get in there and they can't hit bigger. Do you want to know how I know you have daughters? Yes, I know. I knew that I'm gonna hit it. As soon as I said it, I knew as soon as I said it, yes, girl, there was gonna be something said about it. Okay, but for real, they go in there and they can't hit paper, and it's because they're missing the crucial uh uh adjustments with their fingers or holding it with their hand. You know, and but if they're taught that, then they can do it. I think anybody can play sports if you're taught how to do it.

SPEAKER_03 39:05

I've had a lot of people try to teach me a lot of sports in my day. I know how sports ball works. Um I know the rules of most sports ball. Um I like to watch some sports ball. I'm not good at it. I never will be. I've I grew up as a boy in a while.

SPEAKER_01 39:30

When I was talking about the center of where his position is on the ice.

SPEAKER_03 39:35

I know, but that's uh I can learn that. I can learn how to do that.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

You learn to understand where you where I'm where you you're not seeing the this part. No, I am you are miscalculating.

SPEAKER_03 39:45

I know what you're talking about, and plays like that don't happen in this league because there is not a move to get them out. You can't go up and check somebody to get them out the way, right? So it's almost like a common courtesy, like you don't do that because there's their job. And your job is to be my best friend and support me, and you're doing a really bad job right now.

SPEAKER_01 40:08

Listen, the best support I can give you is 100% honesty. I I disagree. Sometimes I need to hear what I want to hear. Then that's not helping you. If I'm just telling you what you want to hear, that's not helping you.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

Not all the time, but sometimes you have to be like, yeah, dude, you can do it. Oh, I believe you can.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

And then if you can't do it, how do you think it's not? How you're miscalculating it and how you're saying you can be taught this sport, but not these sports makes no sense.

SPEAKER_03 40:39

So here's here's something really fun. Um, do you want to know the one thing I know about hockey? Skating. No, no, no, no, like rules. Okay. The only thing I know that you can't do is icing.

SPEAKER_01 40:55

Do you even know how icing happens? Yes. Okay, so what's what is it?

SPEAKER_03 41:01

So you can't essentially just yeet the puck from your side past the the like the third line. Like the rink is split in thirds. There's line, center ice, line. You can't send it from behind center ice past that opponent's line if you're not with the puck. You can't give us a yeet it out the way. That's icing.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

No. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. No. Yes. No. Okay, because you missed two crucial parts of that rule. I probably did. It it depends on who yeets it. No, no. And the purpose of the yeah. No, it depends on where they are.

SPEAKER_03 41:41

It depends on how far the puck goes. If they're behind center ice and if they're not right there with the puck. If you're if they're but how far can it go? If they're deep in their territory and they just fucking send it, that's not okay. You can't do that.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

But you can. As long as it doesn't go past the opposition's goalie. Oh. See what I mean, dog. Oh, so yeah, we're good. Oh man. Okay, so there's a center red line. Yeah. Okay. That red line determines on where you can and can't send the puck past the goalie. It because there's a red line in line with the goalie, right? Okay, that's the line. But if if you if you yeet a puck from your goalie to their goalie, but it slows down and doesn't pass that goalie faster than what you think the person can catch up to it, then it's not icing.

SPEAKER_03 42:35

Oh, well, then. Yeah, I'm good. I got this.

SPEAKER_01 42:38

No, you're not. There's so much more to that. I got this all my. Oh my god, dude.

SPEAKER_03 42:43

I'm gonna be the best professional amateur hockey player you've ever seen in your entire life.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Okay. If I knew how to skate, I would do it with you. I can, like I said, I can ice skate. I can learn how to skate. Oh I can I can ice skate. I just don't know if I can ice skate on a hockey level.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

So so coming up in April, um, Zoe's gonna take a learn to skate. It's every Sunday you should go with her.

SPEAKER_01 43:05

Uh no, because I know how to skate. Clearly, you don't. I do. I just not on the level of of hockey skate.

SPEAKER_03 43:14

And so that's what pissed me off too, because I'm like, Zoe, I can teach you how to skate. Gage is like, fuck, I'll teach her how to skate. We can teach her how to skate, but she goes, No, you can't play youth hockey unless you do the learn to skate. Like, you have to do that so they know that you know enough of how to skate. I'm like, okay, that's fair, but can't you just test out of it? Like, what do you want me to do? I'll do it for you real quick so you know I know how to skate. Like, that's stupid. Yeah. It's like going to get like when you go to your con your concealed, but you already know how to shoot. And you're like, this is stupid. Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 43:47

Yeah, you have to sit through the class, you have to shoot the target with this hand, shoot the target with this.

SPEAKER_03 43:51

And they have you shoot this little twenty two, like it's a glorified BB gun, and you're like, Yeah, bang, there's your target. I I I think I think you're gonna be pleasantly surprised.

SPEAKER_01 44:04

I think you are going to be as surprised.

SPEAKER_03 44:09

I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. It sounds like you're trying to tell me I can't do it.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

No. No, I'm telling you you can. But you think you're going to be this great player when you don't even know the icing rule. Listen, I'm not great at anything. Do you even know what offsides is? I'm not great at anything, but I know I can be mildly above average. Answering my question answers my question already. Yes, I do know what offsides is. Okay, what's offsides?

SPEAKER_03 44:38

You need to have both of your defensive players behind center ice if all of your forwards are past center ice.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

Absolutely wrong.

SPEAKER_03 44:48

You can't have more than three players on the opposite side. Four players on the ice.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

It is nothing. Ryan, you need to understand on how severely you are miscalculating your ability to play hockey.

SPEAKER_03 45:02

You can't be on the opposite side that the puck is on if it's a second Tuesday in February.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 45:09

See, I got that.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

I'm getting angry. I'm getting angry right now.

SPEAKER_03 45:16

I am severely getting angry. I can learn rules. Rules are and to be fair, I break rules all the time. So rules are subjective. I I can learn rules. The point is.

SPEAKER_01 45:31

To break too many rules.

SPEAKER_03 45:33

Okay. Well then I won't break too many. I'll break just enough.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 45:37

Or I can just learn the rules and not break them. Just because I don't know the rules of the game doesn't mean I can't learn how to play the game. See, but that's what I don't understand why you can't think like that with other sports. Because if you're pissing me off. So here's the thing it's not rules in baseball or rules in football. I know those rules. It's the what it takes to physically play the sport that I can't do. No, I thought I knew one rule. And you didn't even know that rule. Alright, so then I can still learn that. It's uh I know the rules in baseball. I would suck at it. I know the rules in football. I wouldn't be good at that either. I'm not saying that I'm gonna be good because I do or do not know the rules. It's what my physical capabilities are. And I know where my boundaries are, and hockey would be the one that I'm good at. Plus, my great great granddad was Canadian.

SPEAKER_01 46:27

That has nothing to do with it.

SPEAKER_03 46:28

Yeah, and like hockey is like the national sport of Canadia, so it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

I'm gonna have a chat with Gage.

SPEAKER_03 46:38

Canada. I'm gonna have a chat with Gage. That's fine. So I look up the rules of hockey and I learn some things. So much fine. I don't know. I don't know why you're getting so angry.

SPEAKER_01 46:51

Because you're annoying the shit out of me right now.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

But I'm not I'm not even like trying to like troll you. I'm dead serious. I can learn the rules.

SPEAKER_01 46:58

Then that's the part that's pissing me off, is you're dead serious.

SPEAKER_03 47:02

Like how hard is it to learn the rules? Not hard at all. Give me an hour. I'll learn hockey rules. Then I just have to do that. Just do the things. Okay. You're just mad because you know that you could never play hockey because you can't skate good enough. I'm sensing some jealousy here, is what I'm getting. There's no jealousy. It seems like there is. No. You're mad because I'm prettier. You're mad because you're mad because my beard is better. You're mad because I'm better at hockey than you.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

I will smoke you in hockey. I guarantee you, me and you put on skates right now and we play hockey, I'll smoke you.

SPEAKER_03 47:44

Uh you know what? Whatever help you sleep at night, Kennifer, that's fine. Nah, I'm not if if if that's what makes you feel better about yourself, that's okay.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

You you do know me, right? Yeah. When I say I'm gonna learn to do something, I can do it better than a lot of people think. So maybe you should learn to skate. And read. You should learn to read. No, that I got people to do that for me.

SPEAKER_03 48:13

The worst part is even when Victoria goes to college, you have another one coming in to do your work for you. You've got you you've got like a like uh what is it? Um the Come on, words are hard. I'm working on it. I know what I'm trying to say here. Like a chain system, like when you come on.

SPEAKER_01 48:38

You can do it. Nope, it's gone. Nope, it's gone.

SPEAKER_03 48:41

Did you know the word I'm thinking of?

SPEAKER_01 48:42

What do you like? A conveyor belt? Nope. Like you like it, you know, like a system of re repeating uh uh what do you call the people that help you learn?

SPEAKER_03 48:52

Like a relay. You you you you have like a relay of people. Like one taps out and the next one comes in, and then the next one passes the baton.

SPEAKER_01 49:01

Well, this one is the biggest two, so the next ones will be easier.

SPEAKER_03 49:04

Right, it'll be it'll be way faster because the next youngest is what, twelve? I think.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

Yeah. Yeah, they're five years apart. Yeah, but so she's those two.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

So she's 12 going on 13, so she's already smarter than you, so she she can do your work for you, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 49:20

And then, you know, as you get older, they'll Bro, I'm pretty sure my nine-year-old is smarter than me when it comes to schoolwork.

SPEAKER_03 49:27

You want to know something sad? I'm the first person in my family to graduate high school. And everybody in my family is arguably significantly more intelligent than I am. I think that says more about our educational system than it does about anybody's individual intelligence.

SPEAKER_01 49:48

I I don't think the education system We're we're only gonna touch on this subject real quick, but then we're gonna move off of it. I'll touch you briefly. I'm fine with that.

SPEAKER_03 49:59

But I can't.

SPEAKER_01 50:00

I don't think the education system as of it is right now is uh really determining if people are smart or not.

SPEAKER_03 50:11

Oh no, it's just if they can memorize information. That's it. Yeah, can't can you remember the information you learned last week until next week to take a test on it and then forget about it? Yeah. I don't remember shit.

SPEAKER_01 50:23

By the time my daughter, my oldest, was well, I mean, they're all advancing. Right now, my five-year-old, um, she's in pre-K because her birthday's late in the year. You're right. And so she's in pre-K right now, and she's already testing as a first grader.

SPEAKER_03 50:39

By the way, guys, that's who ties Ken's shoes for work every morning is is it is a five-year-old.

SPEAKER_01 50:45

So what's really cool is I don't have to tie my shoes. They're already like fixed, and it's just slip-ons from Skechers. You know, like where they have the hard back where you can just step into it and just keep on going. That's that's and then all the other shoes I have are hey dudes. You're they don't have to be tied either.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

They're one purchase away from shape ups. From what? Shape ups. Shape ups?

SPEAKER_01 51:08

Where my ass will uh show my ass.

SPEAKER_03 51:10

Remember those shoes that Sketcher made where the bottoms are like half moon kind of semicircles and they make Oh, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:17

No, I don't think I wear those. I think you would. I don't think I would. I think you would. No. Probably never thought you'd wear shoes with no laces either. I've been wearing hey dudes for years now.

SPEAKER_03 51:26

Well, hey dudes are different though. They're not shoes. They're slip-ons. It is a shoe. Right, but they're not sneakers. They're not shoes. Right. They're slip on the show.

SPEAKER_01 51:35

Even when I have even like my pair of Jordans that I have at home, they're they're they're set to one uh length, so I don't have to keep on tying and tying them, and then I just slip into it.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

I mean, that's all my shoes. I guess like I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 51:46

Yeah, so then what the fuck are you trying to give me shit for for not actually having to tie those?

SPEAKER_03 51:49

Because you intentionally bought shoes that have a stiff back so you can step into them. So you don't have to bend over and touch your own fucking toes.

SPEAKER_01 51:57

No. How many times do we go? I literally these shoes are for work. I'm just wearing them right now. Right. They're made for work. How many times are we asked to put booties on our shoes? Yeah, that's fair. Okay. I have size 12 shoe. Sometimes, depending on the shoe, I have to go bigger. 13. Okay. Those booties rip when I try putting them on.

SPEAKER_03 52:18

What's it like to have a size 12 shoe and a size toddler dick? I mean.

SPEAKER_01 52:24

So I I literally bought shoes to where instead of having to put the booties on, I just slip off into my socks and going. But I'm also waiting for the day that I'm going to refuse to do that. Because how many houses have we been in to where they're like, oh, take, you know, do you have booties? And then you go inside and fucking. I'm going to catch it on the floor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:45

No, like I don't I that's the day that I will refuse. I don't want my socks to absorb whatever's on your nasty ass floor. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

This I've had some people to where they give me trash bags, like like uh or not trash bags. Like a shopping bag shopping bags. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:59

So back up north, when you would go to play out in the snow, right? So it snows, you would wake up in the morning and you would watch like the news, like the TV guide channel, and all the schools that had delays or no snow would pop up. Yeah, yeah, I remember. I remember that when I lived up north, yeah. And you would wait, and and once you see your school, school cancelled, like South Hadley Middle School, no school. Yeah, you would go outside and immediately you would play in the snow.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

Yeah, you're talking about like taking your shoes and putting them in plastic bags and then putting your snow boots on.

SPEAKER_03 53:33

You would put shorts, short socks on, long socks on, a shopping bag over to keep it waterproof, and then you would put like your long johns and your boots on. So if water made it into your boobs, your boots, boots, your feet never got wet. Yeah. Yeah. That's I've never had somebody though hand me shopping bags at their house. Oh, I have. Multiple times.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

Now fuck that. I'm not putting it on. We used to put on our mop gear in the military, um, which is uh protective gear for like gas attacks, stuff like that. So we we would put plastic bags, we'd keep plastic bags on us, two of them, and the moment you had to put on your mop gear, once you get your pants and everything on, you put on but you put on the plastic bag on your regular boot, and then you slide the mop boot over it.

SPEAKER_03 54:20

Oh, so that means it couldn't get in between the pant and the boot?

SPEAKER_01 54:23

Well, not even that. It's so you can get that boot off. Because if you get into that boot with your boot without that bag, it is so long to get it off. Right. It takes so long so many manpower. Yeah. Dude, like I've had three people try to pull my boot off before and almost couldn't do it. Because I didn't put the plastic bag in there.

SPEAKER_03 54:42

I've I've I was in one the other day, and it's crazy too. Like, you'll walk into a pristine, beautiful house, and they're like, Yeah, no, come on in. And you'll walk into a fucking shit show and they're like, Can you cover your feet? I'm like, Can you roll out a carpet for me on this floor? Because I don't want to step in your house. Yeah. Like hoarders.

SPEAKER_01 55:01

Hoarders are bad, yeah. Like so and every one of them. Every single one of them says, sorry, we've been out of town for two weeks, or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 55:10

Or we just emptied a storage unit. Yeah. Bitch, that's a Burger King bag from 1992. Yeah. That it's not from a storage unit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:18

Yeah. And I I I hope uh a lot of people don't, but I I just let it go. Like, let them lie. You know, let's because you know, they're they're they're obviously embarrassed about it.

SPEAKER_03 55:28

If they're making excuses, they know. Right.

SPEAKER_01 55:30

Yeah, I don't ever say anything to them. I that brings up the story. Uh um remember oh, I don't remember if it was with this company or not. I've only called the police after leaving a home once. That was here. And it was I called the police to tell them they need to do a welfare check for three dogs. And it was one of the grossest things I've been in. The dogs every single surface in that house had dog poop on it. Yeah. And and when I say every surface, I mean the couch, the pillows, the the coffee table, the kitchen couples. The table, the chairs, everything. And when I opened up the closet to get into the where the air handler was, it was also filled with dog poop, and I ended up saying, I'm not doing this. I can't help you. I go out and I call my boss and I let him know that I'm not doing it and why. And um, and then I immediately hang up and I sit there and I'm like contemplating it because I for one, I'm not big in animals if we've already found out. You're not a dog person. But two, I was like, what's gonna happen? Is anything really gonna happen? That was one of the main things while I contemplated about doing it or not. Are they really gonna do anything? And I I was like, Yeah, I I feel like I just wouldn't to stop being able to stop thinking about it if I didn't call. You you have to do so, and so I called and they said that they were gonna send um pest control or not pest control, um animal control, yeah, uh, to do a welfare check. And um, and I was out there filling out paperwork from because that was ended up being my last job, and I was out there filling out paperwork from other jobs, and police car showed up, and so I hurried up, put it in drive, and dipped because I don't, you know, yeah, I'm the one that called, I kind of bitched out on it, but I didn't want to be there when you know. So yeah, that's the only time it's a story for a for for another episode.

SPEAKER_03 57:35

So let's put a pin in this. Have you ever had the police, aside from that that one that you blew through the gate, have you ever had the police actually called on you during a service call?

SPEAKER_01 57:47

No, uh yeah, just the one where Oh, I have. We're just the one where uh uh the gate guard wouldn't let me through because I didn't have my ID.

SPEAKER_03 57:54

I've I've I've had the police call on me for a service call. Uh she called the office and said that she was calling the police, and I put it in park and said, Oh wait. Like I was I was excited for it. Yeah. But I think the only time I've ever called the authorities after leaving a service call, and we're getting low on time, so we're gonna end it here soon, is um I walked into a call and there were children there, and the children didn't have beds in the house. They had, you know, like those nap mats almost. Okay. They had nap mats in their bedrooms, no toys to speak of, a whole bunch of dogs, and I had to walk through a bedroom to get to where I was going, and there was a child sleeping on a nap mat with two to three piles of dog feces on the mat and dog pee all over the floor. I'm like, you know what? This is this is this is not like I'm uh I understand people going through hard times, I understand people doing everything they can, but that's not understandable. No matter what you're going through, your kid doesn't need to be sleeping three inches from dog shit. Yeah. And whether you need some help or you're in cape, whatever it may be, like I I left and I called. I'm like, listen, someone needs to check on the welfare because there's kids in this house, and I'm not cool with it. Yeah. And I'm I never followed up, I never checked it out. But as a person going through custody issues and battles and all that stuff myself, right? Like, I'm never gonna be one to just throw somebody under the bus. I really do try to look at every situation from the world. Yeah, well, because every situation, you know, but never knowing the other side of the story. Right. Yeah. I don't know what you're going through, I don't know what you're dealing with, but what I do know is I have an able-bodied person answering the door who I can clearly see is physically fit and capable of doing everything else, but I see that, yeah, and that's not okay. Like it's it's gotta go. You know the shit we see, man. Yeah, that's I think we've seen some shit for sure. I I think next episode we're we're gonna lead ourselves into a beyond the front door for sure. Okay, yeah, we'll have to. We're we're a we're a pro.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:11

Yeah, we kind of just gave a couple scores of beyond the front door. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:15

And uh that's gonna be the end of episode as you say ciente. Siente. Yeah, siete, sir. Episode seven.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:24

What? You said it the same way.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:25

Yeah, I said as you say ciente. Yeah episode siete. Yeah, yeah. No, no end. Yeah. You're confusing siete number seven with siéntate, who just sit down. Two very different things. Yes, sit down. Oye, senor.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:45

Oh god. And that's it. So listen, bottom of the screen, email blue collar banner that's c a or c O L L A-R-E-D, blue collared banner at gmail.com. Leave us an e or send us an email, let us know what you uh what you want to talk about or you want to see us talk about. And then uh don't forget to check out socials.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:06

We have TikTok, we have Instagram, we have YouTube, we have all this other stuff up. Yep. Um, and that email may change in our near future. For you guys, it's gonna be in about three or four weeks. So know that in three or four weeks there may be a different email. You may just get to us at, you know, we haven't figured it out exactly, but something on the lines of those guys at bcb.com or something like that, because we're working on a bcb.com, we're working on some other things, and that may not come through for a couple of weeks for you guys, but for us, we're gonna be working on that soon. And so, you know, don't don't lock that in. But in the interim, in the meantime, definitely reach out to us. The biggest thing you can do, comment on the YouTube. Yep, don't don't text us, don't call us, those of you who can. Um, those of you who can't, obviously, we've gotten a couple emails, we've we we we've gotten a couple comments, we've gotten quite a few downloads, but everything you can do to let the world know that you like us. Yeah, yeah, do that. Yeah, it costs you nothing. Literally nothing. Yeah, like it may cost you a couple seconds, and I'll reimburse you for your time. I will. Like if you you you let me know how much a couple seconds is worth, I'll reimburse you for it one way or another. We all know that apparently I'm perfectly okay with licking an asshole, and that's gonna be blue collar adventure number seven.